how do i stop feeling like my husbands roommate and not his wife

This is a common drift, not a crisis. Logistics take over, connection quietly leaves the room, and nobody notices till it's flat. Your husband likely means it when he says "we're fine" — from where he sits, no fighting equals fine. He's not wrong that things are stable. He's missing that stable and close aren't the same thing. Don't reopen it as a big talk. That's what got deflected last time. Try small and specific instead: sit closer on the couch, put your hand on him, say "I miss you" instead of "we need to talk." Give him something to respond to physically, not a problem to solve. Men often engage easier with an invitation than a diagnosis of the marriage. If nothing shifts after a few honest attempts, name it plainly, once, calmly: "I don't want a roommate, I want you." If that still gets a phone and a shrug, that's worth a counselor's help.