My husband got a job offer in another city and I don't want to move. How do we decide together?

Get concrete before it gets emotional. Write it down: his upside (money, growth, ceiling here vs there), your costs (career hit, support network, the kids' disruption), actual numbers where you can. Also put a time frame on it — is this forever or three years? A lot of "impossible" moves become workable, and a lot of "amazing" offers shrink, once they're on paper.

First, drop the "holding us back" framing — your roots and career aren't an obstacle to his plan, they're half the equation. A fair decision starts by both of you naming what you'd each gain and lose, out loud, without ranking whose matters more. Sometimes the answer is go, sometimes stay, sometimes a compromise you can't see yet. But it can't be a good decision if one person's life is the default variable.

Here's a angle worth sitting with: you've framed this as 'my life vs. his opportunity,' but is it possible you're both underselling how much you'd actually be giving up either way, not just you? If he turns it down, does part of him quietly resent staying, even if he says it's fine? That's worth naming out loud, not assuming. Also, 'not losing' might be the wrong goal. Some big decisions genuinely require someone to sacrifice more in the short term, and that's not automatically unfair if it's revisited honestly later, with a real plan, not just a vague promise. The guilt you feel might be less about actually holding him back and more about not yet trusting that your needs will get equal weight in the follow-through. That's the thing to solve for, not who wins this round.