why does my husband get so defensive the second i bring up ANYTHING

Asked by asking_anon_81

ok so i know he loves me and honestly he's a good guy, i'm not trying to bash him lol. but like every single time i try to bring up something that's bothering me, even if i say it super gently, he immediately goes into defense mode. like full on explaining himself, listing reasons, sometimes getting kinda short with me before i've even finished the sentence. it's not even big stuff, i brought up that i wish he'd text back during work and he acted like i accused him of cheating lol i've tried softening it, waiting for a good time, using "i feel" statements, all that stuff. still happens. i'm not trying to attack him i just want to feel heard sometimes yk? has anyone dealt with this and figured out a way to actually get through without it turning into a whole thing? like what's a small first step that actually worked for you