husband hasn't initiated anything in months, how do i bring it up without it turning into a whole thing

This is really workable, and the fact that you two still laugh and touch base with hugs and kisses tells me the connection's there, it's just gone quiet in one specific way. That's a smaller fix than it feels like at midnight when you're tallying who reached first. Skip the dinner-table version. Try it in bed or on a walk, low stakes, something like: "I've noticed I'm always the one starting anything physical lately, and I miss feeling wanted first. Not mad, just been sitting with it and wanted to say it out loud." Then actually stop talking and let him respond, even if it's awkward silence for a second. Most guys hear "you never initiate" as an accusation but hear "I miss you reaching for me" as an invitation. Same complaint, totally different door. Give him room to just... not be great at responding perfectly the first time either.

yeah, I've been the guy who stopped initiating and had no good reason for it, just... got comfortable, or tired, or in my head about work, and didn't clock what it was doing to my wife until she said something. what actually landed for me wasn't a big sit-down, it was her saying something like "hey, I've noticed I'm always the one starting things, and I miss you reaching for me first, not because anything's wrong, I just miss it." no accusation in it, just honesty about her own feeling. that made it easy to hear instead of something to defend. I'd skip dinner table timing, that felt like an ambush to me even when it wasn't meant that way. bring it up in bed, or driving somewhere, side by side not face to face. and try not to ask him why he stopped, ask for what you want going forward. guys can usually do something with that a lot easier than they can dissect their own silence.

honestly this is such a common one, the initiating thing quietly wears on people way more than it seems like it should from the outside. the trick is bringing it up when you're NOT touching or in bed, totally neutral moment, like folding laundry or driving somewhere. and leading with the miss, not the complaint. something like "hey i've noticed i'm always the one starting things with us physically lately, and i miss feeling like you're chasing me a little, not blaming you just been on my mind." then stop talking. let him sit in it instead of filling the silence for him. most guys hear "you never initiate" as a performance review and get defensive. but "i miss you wanting me first" hits different, it's about connection not a scorecard. also worth asking if anything's been weighing on him, stress, work, headspace stuff, sometimes it's not about desire at all. if it keeps feeling stuck after a real conversation, a couples therapist can help unstick it fast, doesn't mean anything's broken.