husband used to plan everything, now i have to do it all - normal?

It's common, but common isn't the same as fine to leave alone. Courtship-planning often runs on novelty and low stakes; married-life planning has to run on habit, and habits need someone to build them. That someone became you, probably without either of you deciding it that way. That doesn't necessarily mean he's checked out emotionally, it may just mean he's coasting on the fact that things still happen because you make them happen. Which, honestly, removes his incentive to notice. Skip the "you never plan anything" framing, it invites the tired-defense loop you already know. Try naming the actual loss: "I miss feeling thought of, not just the logistics person." Then ask for something concrete and recurring, like he owns one outing a month, no reminders from you. Watch what he does with real ownership, not just good intentions. That'll tell you more than any conversation will.

This is really common, and no, it doesn't automatically mean he's checked out. What usually happens is the dating-era guy had way more bandwidth and lower stakes, he was trying to win you, now he's tired and comfortable and planning takes mental energy he's spending elsewhere. That's real. But comfortable doesn't mean it should stay this lopsided forever, because you're right that being planned for feels like being thought of, and that matters. Skip the "you never plan anything" opener, it invites the tired defense every time. Try naming the actual thing you miss: "I loved when you used to surprise me with stuff, I miss that, can we bring some of that back, even small?" That's an invitation, not an accusation. You could also ask him to own one thing a month, no reminders, his call. Give it real time before deciding it's a bigger issue than bandwidth.

yeah this is super common, honestly. dating brain is different than 6-years-in-married-with-life-piling-up brain. the effort doesn't always mean he checked out, a lot of guys just slide into autopilot once things feel "secure." doesn't make it not annoying tho, you're allowed to miss being planned for. for bringing it up, try not to lead with the tired convo at all. skip the past, just ask for the future. something like "hey i miss when you used to plan stuff, can you take one saturday a month and surprise me, doesn't have to be big" is way easier for a guy to hear than "you don't do anything anymore." give him a lane, not a lecture. if you ask plainly and he still shrugs it off for months, that's less "busy" and more "not prioritizing you," and worth a real sit down talk, maybe even with someone neutral in the room.