Aug 7, 2026
what does "submit to your husband" actually mean in real life?? not the church poster version
Asked by gentle_brain_19
ok so i grew up hearing this phrase thrown around at church and honestly it always made me kinda bristle, like nope not doing that lol. but now i'm married almost 2 years and my husband isn't controlling or weird about it at all, he's actually really easygoing, but the phrase keeps popping up in stuff i read and i keep going back and forth on what it's even supposed to look like day to day.
like does it mean i let him make the final call on big decisions even if i disagree? does it mean something totally different and i'm overthinking a word? we're pretty 50/50 on everything, we talk stuff out, nobody's "in charge," and honestly that's worked fine for us. but then i see people talk about submission like it's this whole mindset thing and i just... don't get it. is it more about attitude than actual actions? genuinely asking bc i don't want to dismiss something i don't understand, but i also don't want to just adopt some role bc it sounds spiritual if it doesn't actually mean anything real. anyone actually live this out and can explain it in plain non-preachy terms?
1 answer
most helpful firstyour bristle is valid, that word's been used to justify some not great stuff so it makes sense you want to poke at it instead of just swallowing it whole. honestly? what you're already doing sounds like the healthy version, whatever label you put on it. talking things out, nobody pulling rank, both of you actually caring what the other thinks - that's not the opposite of "submission," that's what mutual respect looks like in practice. the attitude piece is more like... not needing to win every conversation, softening when you're wrong, trusting him even when you're not 100% sure, and him doing the same for you. it goes both ways or it's not real. if a 50/50 marriage that talks stuff out is working fine for you two, you're not missing some deeper spiritual thing, you're living the substance of it without needing the poster version. don't force a role on top of something that already works, that's just extra.
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