Is it normal to still feel like an outsider with my husband's family after 6 years?

Six years is long enough that "just how they are with everyone at first" starts to wear thin as an answer. Some families really do warm slowly, without meaning any harm by it. But time alone doesn't usually build belonging — what builds it is small, repeated moments of being brought in. If nine years of proximity hasn't done that, another ten probably won't either, not without something changing in how it's approached. I'd separate two things: patience with the family, and patience with your husband noticing this at all. The first might be reasonable. The second is where I'd stop waiting. He doesn't have to fix his mother's habits, but he can be the one who says your name in the story, loops you into the joke, tells his mom directly "talk to her, not around her." That's not blowing anything up — it's just him choosing you out loud. Worth asking for plainly, not hoping he'll notice on his own.

okay so real talk: 6 years is long enough that pure time isn't the missing ingredient anymore. some families do slow-warm over a decade, sure, but usually there's also *something* actively shifting underneath that, not just calendar pages turning. if nothing's changed in the pattern itself, more waiting probably gets you more of the same. honestly this sounds less like "family culture" and more like a two-person project he's been letting you carry alone. he can love his family and still be your bridge into it — looping you into stories, redirecting his mom to actually talk to you, that kind of thing. that's not you overthinking, that's just... being included. so instead of patience vs giving up, try naming one specific thing you want different ("can you loop me in when they start a story i wasn't there for") and see if he actually does it. his willingness to try tells you way more than another year of waiting will.

Six years of hoping quietly is long enough — patience without a plan just becomes waiting, so ask him directly to help you get included instead of just reassuring you it's fine.