How do I get my husband to notice we exist during golf/baseball season?

Don't lead with the hobby at all — that's the fight-starter. Lead with the math. Sit him down when there's no game on, not mid-tantrum, and say something like: "I'm not asking you to quit golf. I'm telling you that right now you get full days off and I get zero, and the kids notice you're gone." Make it about hours and fairness, not feelings he'll get defensive about. Then ask for something concrete: two tournament weekends a month instead of every one, or Sunday mornings are his but Sunday afternoons are family. Vague asks like "be around more" go nowhere. Specific trades he can actually say yes to work better. And watch that you're not also the one still managing the kids' whole summer solo by default — if you never ask him to take something on, he never learns he's needed. Make him necessary, not just present.

Zoom out for a second: this isn't really about golf or the game on TV, it's about him not seeing the shape of the whole summer from your side. So don't lead with the hobby, lead with the picture. Something like, "I'm not asking you to give up golf, I need us to actually plan the season together so the kids and I aren't just working around your schedule." That's a very different conversation than "you're gone too much," because it's an invitation to build something, not a verdict on his character. Try picking one or two windows together, in advance, where he's fully in, not squeezed in around a tournament. Kids remember the dad who showed up more than the one who golfed less. Long term, the goal isn't less golf, it's him choosing your family's rhythm on purpose instead of drifting into a summer that just happens to him too.

Try picking a quiet moment, not a Sunday when the tee time already stung. Something small, like: "I miss you in the summer. The kids do too." No list of grievances, just that one true thing. It lands softer than it feels like it should. Then get specific, not general. Not "you're always gone," but "can we protect Tuesday dinners" or "can one weekend morning be ours." Something he can actually say yes to. Men tend to hear vague hurt as an attack on who they are. A small ask is easier to meet. And let him know it's not the golf, it's the disappearing. Those are different problems. If he still bristles, that's worth noticing too, but give the gentle version a real chance first. Sometimes people just need to be asked plainly, without armor on either side.